When a young child suddenly starts hitting everything around them, it can leave parents questioning what is happening and how to stop it. While such behavior is concerning, it does not necessarily indicate that your child will grow up to be a bully.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Deborah Glesser refers to this phase as the 'hitting phase' in toddler development, often seen in children between one and two years old.
Why Do Children Hit Others?
Young children may not fully understand that their actions hurt others, as empathy typically develops around the age of three. They also struggle to comprehend their own emotions, let alone those of others, making it unlikely that a toddler hits someone with the intent to harm.
Several factors can contribute to a child hitting others:
Like adults, toddlers can experience boredom, hunger, thirst, and fatigue. However, their verbal skills are not yet developed enough to communicate these feelings, leading to frustration.
Dr. Miriam Schechter, a pediatric professor, notes that toddlers may resort to physical expressions of their emotions or disagreements due to limited vocabulary.
Parents may notice their child hitting more frequently in playgrounds or playrooms, often triggered by other children taking toys, pushing, or invading their personal space.
Stressful days can increase the likelihood of a toddler hitting out of anger. Dr. Schechter emphasizes that even typically non-aggressive children may lose control when overwhelmed.
Children may imitate older siblings who play roughly or argue.
Some children are naturally more reactive due to their temperament, as highlighted by child psychiatrist Dr. Stanley Turecki.
As toddlers navigate their surroundings, they may feel cornered by other children and react by hitting, biting, or scratching to escape.
Although toddlers do not understand the consequences of hitting and do not intend to hurt anyone, it is crucial to address this behavior. Here are some strategies to help:
1. Address Immediate Behavior
When your child hits someone, get down to their level, make eye contact, and say, 'It’s okay to feel angry/upset/frustrated, but it’s not okay to hit others.' This approach acknowledges their feelings while maintaining boundaries.
2. Identify Triggers
Try to understand what upset your child and led to their hitting. Explain to them how to articulate their needs with words, such as saying, 'I’m hungry.'
3. Connect Actions to Feelings
Help your child understand the impact of their actions on others. For example, say, 'You hit Mark, and that hurt him, making him feel sad.'
4. Practice Problem-Solving
Use play to teach your child how to resolve conflicts. Pretend to be a child taking their favorite toy and practice saying, 'That’s my toy, please give it back.'
5. Redirect Their Attention
Introduce a new toy or suggest a different game to ease tensions between children. Dr. Erin Floyd, a child psychologist, notes that distraction is often the easiest way to resolve conflicts.
When children argue over a toy, give them a minute to see if they can resolve the conflict themselves. If it escalates, you can say, 'If you can’t take turns, I will put the toy away for now.'